i swear, sometimes i hate being a freakin' intern...i feel like my ass is being worked so hard for nothing...the pay is great, but the atmosphere isn't all that great...well, like i thought it would be at least...Saturday, i went into work like normal but when i went to pick up my uniform, the lady was saying some kind of riff raff about how I didn't have a uniform anymore because some form was filled out to take it away since i supposedly wasn't gonna work there anymore...well, she eventually just looked in my slot for my uniform and found it...i didn't think twice about what she said because 1. she talks too fast, and 2.  she's a fob with a heavy asian accent...so later on, I get to work and patricia (we run the cafe on Saturdays) felt relieved and said she thought it was only gonna be her and Chris (the asshole sous chef) working together that day....i reassured her that I would never take Saturdays off and leave her like that because that's usually our busiest day in the spa.  Then later, Chris finally comes in and explains everything...(Quick sidenote: His wife was JUST hired a week ago as a spa receptionist)  Apparently, he was complaining to my boss, Lydia, that he wasn't getting enough labor hours in the spa, so she blew up at him and her solution was to move me to Starbucks...which is bullshit...mind you, no one likes this sous chef and what makes it worse is that his wife works there, so she can snitch to him about whatever goes on in the place...Conspiracy? I think so...I'm halfway through with this internship, and it seems like everything is going from bad to worse...I mean, if I move out of the spa, I'll lose all my friends I've made there, I have to start learning starbucks shit when I'm already familiarized with the operations down in the spa, I'll be losing a LOT of money that I need, and grr!!! it's just not fair!  But I haven't heard from Lydia yet...so hopefully I'll be able to stay...

on another note, i've been thinking a lot lately...i used to love coming back home to plano, but it seems like every time mom asks me to come home, I can never make it to where I acutally stay for a period of time...I mean, I love mom and pops to death, but this whole not speaking thing has just been getting to me...I hate coming home to a cold house that doesn't feel "homey" like it used to be...I don't even speak unless spoken to, and the only thing I do there is chill with mom or lucky, which isn't really fair to dad...so I try to avoid the bias-ness as much as possible...they're silver anniversary is in a week from today and I don't even think I'll make it home...not cuz i'm being an ignoramous child, but because what's the point, really?  If i do go home, it'll probably be just as cold as it has been these past couple months...nothing really feels the same as it used to be before december rolled around....I don't know what to do...and that depresses me...i mean, i know i'm a grown ass woman, but still, it's just hard to see the two most important people in my life fall apart like this. and what makes it even worse is that it doesn't even look like anything's gonna get better any time soon....pff...how sad..

Currently Listening Keep the Faith By Faith Evans see related

So yesterday was boo's birthday...i think it went well...I only had to work from 6:30-11:00 and had the rest of the day to spend with him.  So we hung out at his house for a while in which he cultured me by making me watch Boyz in the Hood...yes, how romantic..lol...while he got his birthday outfit all starched and ready for the evening.  I tried to be sneaky earlier in the day and call different shoe shops at town east and valley view to look for the new kobe shoes for him but couldn't find it anywhere...so eventually i just broke down and told him we'd just go shopping or whatever for his birthday...well, we ended up going to red bird mall in south oak cliff.  It took forever!!!  And I thought I was a picky shopper...nope, not until I came across his shopping style.  I swear we went back and forth between stores because he couldn't choose what he wanted...well, some time passed...actually a lot of time passed before he picked out this pair that I didn't think was too attractive...but he really wanted them, so I decided to just get those.  It set me back a lot but it was what he wanted, so he was happy.  Afterwards, we came back to Denton in time to catch some Applebee's before it closed.  And that's how we wrapped up the birthday...

I've never really realized how a relationship can be so overwhelming with emotions.  I mean, don't get me wrong, i love my boo to death, but it seems that sometimes I question myself as to why I put myself through all of it.  Like mary said, "Every moment hasn't been perfect but still, when it's perfect, it feels like we're the only two people who have something real..."  And that's exactly how it feels with me and him.  Sometimes it just feels that I'm too trusting...just cuz' it's the simple fact that 'a nigga's always gonna be a nigga regardless' and that love is blind sometimes...i dunno, maybe i'm pms-ing, or maybe i'm just now realizing all the sacrifices i've been making for him but still making excuses so everything seems to be ok...thanks shabs for opening my eyes today, because all of that just slipped my mind.  Maybe I'm just a dumb breezy like all the rest of them that can't realize what's going on right under their noses...how could i have possibly dug myself into this big ass hole that i can't even get out of anymore...i feel so hurt that i don't even know what to think anymore...i'm out..

synopsis:

~I met Phil Jackson today

~Whitie got hit on the way home from work